Furthermore, we keep living

On the precipice of my mid-twenties, I have begun to reflect about the journey at hand and the things that are learned along the way. Recently I have found that life is all about perception. This might come as a no brainer to many but if you really look at your understanding of your daily mundane tasks, are you sure that you truly have thought about the fact that two doors down your daily to-do might be the dream of another. I find that the normal and the boring are to be appreciated for being exactly what they are without any filters of what they should be. Normal, boring, slow, and residual have become such negative words to a world that survives on the need to feel to the extreme every second of every day. This new normal is perpetuated by huge pleasures distorted by society through shrunken looking glasses. We must always be doing enough all the while looking like we just walked out of a photo, ageless, put together and smiling. We can at any time order food through apps, we can quickly talk to friends, or buy the latest trendy piece of clothing, we can entertain ourselves within seconds. You would think that the disease of boredom would be cured with the technological advances and speed at which they occur. Maybe however, with the loss of boredom a new even deadlier disease begins to settle in, and you realize that exhaustion may be even more chronic.

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I once heard that there was an experiment done on giant sequoia trees. Some tree saplings were taken and injected with adrenaline throughout their growing season to see if a perpetual growing season could be induced and the grandeur of the trees could be replicated within a shorter amount of time. The experiment found that the trees would reach a certain height and then refuse to grow any faster, some would even begin to die. The slowness of the winter and the time between growing seasons have been vital to the impressiveness of the trees. The slow and the cold times between the growth was just as important as the perceived success.

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I find joy in my coffee preparation. To many the song and dance of ten minutes of work for one latte might seem monotonous. To me there is nothing more satisfying than hearing the whistle of my espresso machine as the pressure builds and the first drop of rich coffee pours into a cup. I relish in the pour of milk into a separate glass, combined with lavender syrup, and the sweet drizzle of honey sourced from back home. The milk is frothed and iced with whiskey rocks to keep the coffee from getting watered down and the shot or most days shots of espresso are poured into the milk glass and stirred with care to combine into a rich and delicious cup of coffee made just for me. The first sip is always the best and the rest of the day is spent with the coffee by my side. I find myself stealing small sips between washing clothes, sitting down at my computer, unloading the dishwasher and often the cup finds its way into my cupholder on the way to a new place.

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My daily ritual of preparing coffee is mundane and slow but such a sweet part of my day. The motion of knowing exactly what ingredients to reach for, hearing the sounds that i have begun to love and imagining the little girl I once was admiring the perceived prestige this routine would have had. I would have felt so grown up, so capable, and so radiant. I can't imagine this routine seeming monotonous or silly to someone when I reflect, except even I often doubt the time I take to make the coffee and if maybe it is frivolous in the grand scheme of accomplishing my goals.

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Recently I have had no choice but to slow my roll. I think this has been one of the biggest blessings I have ever been given.

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I graduated, got engaged and moved miles away from home. Life has moved rather quickly within this year. I am a self-starter. I am motivated, I want to create and advance my career and recently the nuance of the life I am leading, and the adjustment have taken a backseat to this notion. In my new apartment I feel calm for the most part however occasionally I feel like I am being launched out of a moving vehicle at high speeds. The moments of inability to control the changes in culture, geography, style, and comfort can become the loneliest of places.

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The move to South Florida has been the best decision of my life and the scariest. I am looking for a job, gaining certifications and insight into the field I want to be in, while simultaneously striving to find out who Avery is and what life looks like moving forward. As you can imagine the check-in phone calls are about the same and I don't blame anyone for the questions they ask, “how is the job search', 'how is the beach', 'how is your tan' 'what did you do this weekend' etc. The anxiety felt in these conversations is often not the intended outcome however the familiar feeling creeps in every time, shame. I do not know how it finds me time and time again but each week I am greeted with the feeling of wondering why I cannot answer those questions with confidence and wishing I had a better answer to give.

 

If you are ever feeling like how I am feeling or have been feeling, let me advise you to start doing one thing that has begun to give me so much hope. Live in the transition, as presently as you would live in the perceived desired outcome. Getting engaged, getting your dream job, getting your dream house, or traveling to your dream location is not going to change the reality of the now. Life itself is hidden between the crack of the spine of a book in the minutes spent on the beach, the folds in sleeves of a shirt, the clicking of keys on a keyboard, the whispers of the day split into a meal and the whistle of espresso into a mug. If you work for it in the everyday, looking up to appreciate the moments for what they are, the big things that you are pining for will happen. You will get the job, you will meet someone and settle down, and the cards will fall the way they are supposed to. Life keeps moving.

 

Furthermore, is my new passion project. A way for me to share what I am learning. A way for me to do what I love most, write. It is a way for me to soak in the transition for everything that it is instead of everything that I think it should be. So even if you feel behind or at a location far from where you set out to get, I want to encourage you that life belongs to adverbs and breaths between sentences, there will be new goals and new excitement always but there is comfort in the slowness, in the normal, boring, slow, and residual. Soak it in and enjoy the ride. Because it is exactly what it is yet, furthermore, we keep living.

 

Sincerely,

Avery